Rudolph's Night Off

December 25, 2007

This one is just so cute that I wanted to share it with everyone! Even though contrary to popular belief - goats do not eat everything in sight, they are actually really picky eaters!

Rudolph's Night Off
By: Baxter Black, DVM (copyrighted)

"Twas the night before Christmas and Rudolph was lame!
The vet from the North Pole said, "Footrot's to blame.
I'll give him some sulfa - it's the best I can do,
But stall rest is needed the next week or two.
"Great Scott," cried old Santa; he truned with a jerk,
"I won't get through Pierre if my headlight don't work!
On Interstate 40 I'll surely get fined
And lost in Montana if I'm flyin' blind!"
"No cop in his right mind would give any clout
To a geezer who claimed that his reindeer went out!"
He gathered the others, ole' Donner and Blitzen,
Were any among 'em whose nose was transmittin'?
They grunted and strained and sure made a mess
But no noses glowed or ears luminesced.
"It's bad luck in bunches," cried Santa distressed,
"But we'll fly Continental - the Red Eye Express."
"I'll look at the schedule" he put on his glasses,
When up walked 'ole Billy, the goat from Lampasas.
He shivered and shook like a mouse on the Ark,
But his horns were a beacon...they glowed in the dark!
Santa went crazy - he asked "Why?" with a smile.
"I just ate a watch with a radium dial.
Where I'm from in Texas, we don't have thick hide -
My skin is so thin it shines through from inside!"
"If that's true, then let's feed him!" cried Santa with glee.
"Gather everything burnin' and bring it to me!"
So Billy ate flashbulbs and solar collectors,
Electric eels and road sign reflectors.
Firecrackers, sparklers, a Lady Shick shaver
And lots of Lifesavers - all of 'em wintergreen flavor.
Jelly from phosphorescellous fish
Day-Glo pizza in a glittering dish.
Billy had fireflies and candles and stuff that ignites,
Then had a big bowl of the Northerin' Lights.
He danced on the rug and petted the cat
And after he'd finished and done all of that...
To store up the static electricity better,
They forced him to eat two balloons and a sweater.
When he opened his mouth, light fell on the floor
Like the fridge light comes on when you open the door.
His Halloween smile couldn't be better drawn
When he burped accidentally, his high beams kicked on!
"Hitch 'im up," cried old Santa, and they went on their way -
I remember that Christmas to this very day.
The sky was ablaze with the stars shinin' bright,
They were shootin' and fallin' all through the night.
And I realize now, through my fingers are crossed,
What I really was seein' was 'ole Billy's exhaust!